Are You a People Pleaser? Here’s How to Tell

I never thought I was a people pleaser. I just assumed I was a good friend, a generous partner, and a kind family member. I believed in treating others the way I wanted to be treated. But then, one day, reality hit me.

I was planning an event and carefully scheduling the speakers. I wanted everyone to have their moment, to feel valued and appreciated. But when I looked at the final schedule, I realised something shocking: I had completely left myself out. There wasn’t even a 30-minute slot where I could showcase my own work. That moment was bittersweet. I had prioritised everyone else so much that I had forgotten about myself.

That realisation led me down a path of self-discovery, where I started recognising the many ways I was people-pleasing and seeking approval.

So, how do you know if you’re a people pleaser?

There are many signs, and while you may not identify with all of them, chances are you resonate with at least a few. Here are some key indicators:

 10 Signs You Are a People Pleaser

1. You Find It Hard to Say No

The thought of disappointing someone makes you anxious, so you agree to things you don’t want to do. You say yes out of obligation, even when you’re exhausted or overwhelmed.

• Example: You agree to bake 50 cupcakes for a school event, even though you barely have time for yourself.

• How to recognise it: If saying no makes you feel guilty or anxious, you might be people-pleasing.

2. You Apologise Excessively

You say sorry for things that don’t warrant an apology—like asking for help, being slightly late, or even expressing your own needs. Apologising has become a reflex.

• Example: You apologise when someone bumps into you or for taking up space in a conversation.

• How to recognise it: Start noticing how often you say "sorry" in a day—chances are, it’s more than necessary.

3. You Avoid Conflict at All Costs

You dislike confrontation so much that you’d rather suppress your own feelings than risk upsetting someone else. You let things slide just to keep the peace.

• Example: You pretend to agree with a friend’s opinion, even when it makes you uncomfortable.

• How to recognise it: If you frequently avoid voicing your opinion to prevent a disagreement, you might be people-pleasing.

4. You Constantly Worry About What Others Think

You overanalyse conversations, worry about how people perceive you, and seek reassurance that you haven’t upset anyone. Other people’s opinions hold more weight than your own.

• Example: You replay interactions in your head, wondering if you sounded stupid or offended someone.

• How to recognise it: If you spend more time thinking about how others perceive you than how you feel about yourself, this might be a sign.

5. You Feel Responsible for Other People’s Emotions

You go out of your way to make sure everyone around you is happy, even at the expense of your own wellbeing. If someone is upset, you feel like it’s your job to fix it.

• Example: A friend is having a bad day, and while offering support, you take on their emotions as if they were your own.

• How to recognise it: You feel anxious or guilty when someone around you is unhappy, even if it has nothing to do with you.

6. You Seek Validation to Feel Worthy

You rely on external praise and approval to feel good about yourself. If no one acknowledges your efforts, you feel like you’ve failed.

• Example: You go out of your way to help colleagues, but if no one thanks you, you feel unappreciated.

• How to recognise it: If your self-worth is tied to how much praise or recognition you receive, you may be caught in a cycle of people-pleasing.

7. You Put Others’ Needs Above Your Own

You make sacrifices for others even when it negatively impacts you. Whether it’s at work, in friendships, or in relationships, you prioritise their happiness over your own.

• Example: You cancel your own plans because someone else needs you, even if it inconveniences you.

• How to recognise it: If you rarely take time for yourself and always put others first, this is a clear sign of people-pleasing.

8. You Change Yourself to Fit In

You mirror the behaviours, interests, or opinions of those around you to be accepted. You struggle to express your authentic self because you’re afraid of standing out.

• Example: You pretend to love a TV show because all your friends are obsessed with it.

• How to recognise it: If you frequently adjust your personality or interests to align with those around you, you are totally people-pleasing.

9. You Feel Guilty When Practising Self-Care

When you take time for yourself, you feel selfish. You convince yourself that your needs are less important than everyone else’s.

• Example: You finally book a day off for yourself, but spend the entire time feeling guilty for not helping others.

• How to recognise it: If self-care feels like an indulgence rather than a necessity, you are stuck in people-pleasing beliefs.

10. You Feel Overwhelmed and Drained

Because you take on too much and struggle to set boundaries, you often feel emotionally and physically exhausted. People-pleasing is draining, and it leaves you with little energy for yourself.

• Example: You’re constantly busy with other people’s requests, but you can’t remember the last time you did something just for you.

• How to recognise it: If your schedule is packed with obligations for others, but you’re exhausted and unfulfilled, this is a warning sign.

Breaking Free from People-Pleasing

People-pleasing isn’t just a minor habit—it can shape your entire life, leading to stress, exhaustion, and a loss of self-identity. Recognising these signs is the first step towards change. Setting boundaries and prioritising your own needs is crucial in reclaiming your sense of self.

For those ready to break free, start with my 5 day RESET challenge because you deserve to take up space, to be heard, and to prioritise yourself without guilt.

Have you recognised any of these traits in yourself? It’s never too late to start making changes and embracing who you truly are.