Here is what you’ll learn when you start healing

Because doing the work reveals all kinds of things.

Like the power of saying no, when you realise that me time was never going to happen unless you did something about it, and what you needed all along Was boundaries. Because setting boundaries are not selfish. Boundaries are a way to educate others on our values and the standards of how we want to live. They are crucial in supporting us to maintain a healthy and positive mindset. From fearing what would happen if I stood up for what I believed In and wanted, to letting the first NO slip out. It changed everything. boundaries became a lot easier to set when I realised that they improved my life. I retrained my mind to advocate for myself, A muscle that I stopped flexing after I had kids, Until that one day, where I blew up in our kitchen tired, overwhelmed, and desperate for an hour to myself. I spilled the beans on what I needed. The truth came out. Don’t leave yourself last on your todo list. I repeat, Boundaries are not selfish.

There was a time, where I seeked validation for who I was constantly. I hung on to everyone else’s words, and how they saw me. Was what I wearing okay? Was I being too much? Was I fitting in, and was I doing a great job. Receiving attention is not love. Compliments are great, all the followers on instagram are great. but knowing that love is far bigger than having someone’s attention for a small amount of time, it might feel nice for a moment, we may feel seen, acknowledged, supported even. but then it goes away. Love is constant. It has depth. superficial BS is not who we are, our heart + values are worthy of celebration. Words of praise are one of the five love languages. but I want you to question what love means to you. Is getting attention a dopamine fix or is it really how you like to be loved. 

Feeling isolated and alone is heartbreaking. It makes us second guess ourselves constantly. But when the people we love require space it can hurt. It feels like they don’t need us anymore, they’ve pushed us away. Yet, Space is not abandonment. I’m one of those people who needs time to process. I need space to think, move emotions, journal and get back into my body. When I needed that time I used to feel guilty, especially when my kids were young. I had to tap out. But that didn’t mean I didn’t love my kids. It’s just the way my neurotypical head works. Yet, I also got confused when people pulled away from me, or moved away, or adjusted their life direction. It never diminishes how we see one another, that space doesn’t mean that we have abandoned the other, but instead honouring self.

That our thoughts are not facts. After learning more about my brain and the endless monologue that played daily in my head, I knew that not everything it was saying was true. Let alone my truth. Many of the thoughts I have are judgement based on what I see or experience. My mind is louder when I get stuck on something, for example if I need to navigate a situation with a little care, I go over and over every possibility. It’s exhausting. I try to work it out before it happens. This is not the truth of the scenario. What I say to myself on the matter is usually when my inner critic comes to town. I tear myself apart for how it might have got to this. I say all the nasty things, again, these are not facts. A fact is knowing the sky is blue, yet we all know the sky changes colour, from sunrise to sunset, summer to winter. Our thoughts are not set in concrete, and this helps us to undo those beliefs that limit us.

Once I started doing the work, there was a series of events that turned my life upside down. Two days before I was to run an event for 100 women a friend died, I spent the following week in shock. Not even aware of how I was. I was in survival mode. It was recommended that I plan another event, I got a team together, who fell away within months, life felt hard, I was a grumpy ass bitch most days, my poor husband put up with the crazy mood swings from tears to hyper focus. My life fell apart two weeks before covid. I cancelled the event. Covid was the Fuck you from the universe. What I went through was 16 months of hell. but it didn’t last. Pain is temporary. The sadness I felt after my friend passed, it slowly got lighter, it still makes me tear up now, but it doesn’t cut like a razor anymore. Every emotion passes us. Joy, happiness, sadness, frustration. So if you are feeling stuck and all the things feel too much, just know it's not forever, this is a temporary moment. 

There are people on this earth who genuinely want to support you. It feels weird to accept it, I see you. I was you. But there is magic absolutely fucking every where. From rainbows in between showers in the Scottish highlands, to seeing whales splash off the coast of Australia. Life is beautiful. Love is everywhere. All it takes is for us to open our eyes to see it. Struggling with not feeling worthy, remember thoughts are not facts. If you feel stuck in a rut, remember it's temporary. Kindness is available, and it wants to find you. So stop blocking it. And accept an offer when it comes your way. Feel the power of what's around you, love makes us smile, it's the hug, the kind gesture, it's the listening ear. All it takes is getting out of your head to see it.

Did any of that hit home? Healing is a journey, there really is no destination because we keep growing and evolving.