How to Set Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

If you’ve ever bent over backwards to keep others happy—at the expense of your own well-being—you’re not alone. Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing. But the truth is, boundaries aren’t selfish—they’re essential.

Growing up in rural Australia, living off the land and working hard was a way of life. Every day began with a long to-do list, and there was little time for leisurely activities. The only moment of respite was at smoko (morning or afternoon tea)—a short break for a cuppa and a slice of homecooked cake. It was the one time we paused, but even then, it wasn’t indulgent; it was practical, a moment to talk about work, the weather, and what needed to be done next.

This upbringing instilled in me a strong work ethic, but it also left me with a deep-rooted belief: work comes first, always. As a creative, this was a challenge. Inspiration doesn’t follow a rigid schedule. But I was also conditioned to push through, to say yes, to be reliable. I never wanted to let anyone down—except, as I later realised, I was often letting myself down.

When I was 20, I attended art school, I was working over 40 hours a week in a restaurant. I took every shift offered, even when I had assignments due. Then came our end of year exhibition, and I needed time to complete my collection and attend the event. At the end of my shift I sat across from my boss and asked nervously for fewer shifts over the coming weeks.

She scoffed at me.

My heart sank.

It was followed with a ‘I will see what I can do’

The next day, the rota was posted, and to my relief, I got what I’d asked for. But after the event, my reduced hours continued—a passive punishment for daring to ask for what I needed. I felt guilty, like I’d been selfish. I then had to ask again for what I wanted an increase in hours to pay my bills.

The powerful lesson I learned: if you don’t set boundaries, people will set them for you.

Fast forward to now, and as a cognitive behavioural therapist, I’ve seen first-hand how difficult it is for people—especially those who struggle with people-pleasing—to set boundaries without guilt. I wanted to create this post to help not only my clients but others. Advocating for yourself, protecting your energy is the highest form of self-care. 

Simple scripts to set boundaries without the guilt

1. Saying No to Last-Minute Plans

It’s easy to feel guilty when a friend invites you out last minute, especially if they seem disappointed when you say no. But your time is valuable, and you don’t need to explain yourself in great detail.

Try this:
🔹 "I’d love to see you, but I need a bit more notice. Let’s plan something for another day!"
🔹 "That sounds great, but I’ve got other plans tonight (even if those plans are just resting!). How about next week?"

2. Setting Boundaries at Work Without Fear

Many of us feel pressured to say yes to extra work, even when we’re already stretched thin. But taking on too much can lead to burnout.

Try this:
🔹 "I’d love to help, but my plate is full right now. Can we look at another time?"
🔹 "I’m at capacity at the moment. If this is urgent, can we discuss what can be reprioritised?"

This makes it clear that your workload matters too, without sounding like you’re not a team player.

3. Handling Family Expectations

Families can sometimes struggle with boundaries, expecting you to be available at all times or to do things their way.

Try this:
🔹 "I really appreciate the invite, but I’m not available this time. I’d love to catch up another day!"
🔹 "I know this is important to you, but I need to prioritise my own commitments right now."

This acknowledges their feelings while maintaining your boundary.

4. Protecting Your Time Without Guilt

If someone constantly interrupts your personal time or assumes you’ll always be available, setting a clear boundary is key.

Try this:
🔹 "I love catching up, but evenings are my time to recharge. Let’s chat tomorrow instead!"
🔹 "I need some quiet time right now, but I’d love to talk later. Let’s schedule something!"

This reminds them that your time is valuable too.

5. Saying No to Unwanted Help or Advice

Sometimes, people overstep with advice or offers of help that you don’t need. It’s okay to decline without feeling guilty.

Try this:
🔹 "I really appreciate your advice, but I’ve got this covered."
🔹 "Thanks for offering to help, but I actually prefer to handle this myself."

6. Setting Digital Boundaries

If someone constantly expects instant replies to messages, setting a boundary around communication can reduce stress.

Try this:
🔹 "I’m not always available to reply straight away, but I’ll get back to you when I can."
🔹 "I try to stay off my phone in the evenings, but I’ll catch up with you tomorrow!"

This makes it clear that you’re not ignoring them—you just have limits.

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Setting boundaries doesn’t mean you don’t care about others—it means you care about yourself too. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. The more you practise, the easier it gets. And if you ever feel guilty, remember this:

People may not always like your boundaries, but those who respect you will respect them.

So, start small. Pick one boundary today and practise saying it. You deserve space, time, and respect—without the guilt.