A wild dream, five years in the making.
As someone who has spent the last seven years unravelling why we feel it’s necessary to seek permission to chase ideas and live our dreams. I discovered that I was an approval seeker, I loved getting things right, and when I say ‘right’, I mean right by others first. I had been giving myself away since my late twenties, when someone triggered the sh*t out of me.
It wasn’t until a lady called Gail called me out, because on that day, I was trying to prove to her that I had my life together when in actual fact - everything had just fallen apart. The words that came out of my mouth, were : I’ve done it again...
Yes, this wasn’t my first rodeo, where I was living for others and not truly listening to myself, my inner guidance system or trusting it!
At the start of 2020 I knew I wanted to write, I had a calling to write all the words, but I had no clue what to actually write. Well, Gail, she suggested that I explore where I am adjusting myself to suit others needs. The days that followed, I wrote thousands of words, which ended up becoming my first eBook and I sold a few hundred copies. This was the beginning, the backbone to my book, which has now gone through the ringer many times
Discovering the truth was only one part of my approval addiction, I now needed to solve how to deal with it. I immediately enrolled in a positive psychology course, which then led to a counselling course, followed by cognitive behavioural therapy. I wanted answers, I had already been practicing mindfulness but it wasn’t enough, you seen when you live inside your head, with endless loops of should of’s, you feel trapped. I wanted to give myself a way out but also others.
I learnt everything I could. Next was to fine-tune and practice it all. Test it by running a series of workshops, courses and eventually practicing as a CBT. This was my opportunity to hone my knowledge, my skill and tailor the lessons to more people. This book was not just written for me as a reminder, I wanted to give it others.
I wanted to help people remember who the f*ck they were, without giving their soul away. The first draft was completed in 2022, soon followed a book proposal that I sent out to over a hundred potential book publishers. I heard absolutely nothing. A few months past and I saw the Hay House competition advertised on Facebook, which was to be in Edinburgh, hello a close city for me to get to. This is the journey and a behind the scenes look at what shaped the book
On the way down to Edinburgh, my dad called me. It was a Friday, and for those that know, my dad calls on a Sunday, not a Friday. Which was strange. I stopped the call coming through, the bus was absolutely packed, but I instantly sent him a text explaining my situation, asking if everything is okay? He told me that my grandmother just passed away. I loved her, a woman who made me feel like I belonged, someone who inspired me to fight for women’s rights, who loved that I travelled the world. I cried for the whole four and half hour journey. I was a mess.
At the event, I met some amazing people, I was inspired by Glaswegian Kyle Gray, I balled my eyes out while Rebecca Campbell was doing her talk - it was tie to home that felt so raw. I spoke with one of the editors and she gave some amazing suggestions and I went all in to re-creating my book proposal. I didn’t win, and I didn’t win again the following year even though I travelled all the way to London to attend. What I got was an email that changed my approach. A new title and hook using an angle that no one else was talking about.
So I sent out another hundred proposals.
Within a week, I was offered two self-publishing deals, which I put on hold, another publisher asked for my full manuscript. Which I replied, I will have it to you in six weeks. I dusted off my original manuscript and set out to rewrite my book. I managed to do it in four weeks, its over fifty thousand words. It was proof-read by my most trusted critic, Liz. Honestly, if I can’t teach you anything in the book, let me teach you this, the people that surround you should be made of gold. Liz is my book gold, she’s been on the journey since I got serious about the new direction of the book. From chapter organisation to learning how to insert a comma in the correct place, I would be lost without her.
Those weeks were a blur, I came out to feral children, a house that was a mess and a husband waiting for his wife to land. For the creatives in this world, the losing yourself to your art is important. Again - have the right people around you. Actually I do talk about this in the book! You should totally pre-order it. After no agents were interested in my work (hello I’m not an influencer with over 100k followers) I sent out a few more proposals direct to publishers. A week later, the Book Guild asked for my full manuscript, Liz and I went over it again. This was in the depths of winter. I had a good feeling.
A decision had to be made, I had four offers on the table, a potential dream publisher still had not got back to me and time was running out. I went with a partnership offer with the Book Guild. One that felt right, one that felt like they care about the book. The last few months, we have proofed the book twice, there have been a series of cover designs created, endless email updates about how this is all going to work. Emotions running all over the place. But today I can finally say...
My book is available for pre-order
F*ck Approval, You Don’t Need It, is my love letter to anyone who wants to learn how to validate their dreams and trust that they can make them happen
