The Wild Success Podcast is back on air after an 11 month break and we are diving right into a five-part series called the Wholeness Method. This week’s episode Lizzie focuses on People Pleasing and what that looks like along with her journey through COVID and discovering her need to please.
CONNECT WITH ME
LOVE THE WILD SUCCESS PODCAST?
Well, I need your help. Podcast reviews are super important for iTunes to help match us with the right listeners and keep us motivated to delivering fresh new inspiring content each week.
I want to help more women realise that time is our most valuable commodity and how we choose to spend it creates our version of wild success. I would be super grateful if you could take a minute and review the show on iTunes!
Welcome back to another episode of the wild success podcast. It has literally been 11 months since I’ve sat behind a microphone recording the show. I cannot believe it. Seriously, this year, what an Epic ride it has been. Today I wanted to share with you my journey, but also dive into this series, which is called the wholeness method. Now this episode is brought to you by the wholeness membership, which is my new online community for females who are doing the inner work. This year has really cold for us to step up and address who we are now in the membership is an online course. You get 12 juicy lessons to help you come home to yourself. It assists you in mastering your mindset, listening to your intuition. It’ll help you to create frameworks for your week, but also to put some boundaries in place to set you up for success.
This course has been the same process that I’ve used to unravel this year for myself and turning my life around but you’re going to hear more about my journey shortly. Now in the membership we’ve also got a beautiful community and online, exclusive group, little container for everyone to hang out. Head over to the website, if this is of interest to you, let’s dive into today’s episode.
Cause I know it’s been a long time and there’s a lot to share with you all. Let’s go back to 2019 for a moment November, I declared that I was going to go all-in on business basecamp, hands up, if you can remember business basecamp seems like a lifetime ago now, right? So I was like, that’s it. I’m just going to put my energy into creating this community. This event that was, meant to be a first of its kind here in Australia, it’s going to be that beautiful mix of self development, but also business development.
We’re going to do a big camp out for a couple of days in nature, connect with nature, connect with self, and of course connect with other people because I know for sure, one of the things that working online can sometimes get a bit lonely and community is everything. I decided to put everything on hold. Now I am talking, I put my whole coaching business on hold, including the podcast. Cause I was going all in, right. It was going to be a big thing. I started putting together like a few months prior the lineup and were still sourcing speakers and sorting up venue, bits and pieces. You know, we’ve got some incredible speakers. We had Lisa Messenger as a headliner. We had a Lauren Bath who is Australia’s number one Instagrammer. We had Jordanna Edwards from clean Tea she’s based here in the Northern rivers. Boy, she is like an incredible powerhouse of a woman.
There was so many others and the list really does go on. We had 18 speakers now, fast forward a few months and into the new year, I was like, okay, this event, it was the big thing. Like everything’s on hold, no money coming in at all. From my side hustle, it was, my business was to now into this new business base camp. It was interesting to watch that tickets did not fly off the shelf as fast as my previous event, which was wild success live back in 2019. I had anticipated the same sales early bird to cover the costs, to make the event go ahead and I didn’t get them. Now. I need to be honest here about that because I think when you’re running a business, it’s really important to also make sure that finances meet certain criteria is at certain times you need to have a viable business.
I was looking at that and I was like, Ooh, this isn’t looking good. What am I going to do to make this event fly? So February came around and 2020 and I was like, right, I’m going to do this awesome thing called fail fast February. One of my favorite speakers of all time is Gary Vaynerchuk. I’ve seen him speak so many times and he always like makes me like, Whoa, this is so cool. Like fail fast means, go all in, like go as hard as you can do. Absolutely everything you can and test it. ? And I think also it’s the messenger actually does the fail fast method herself as well. I was looking to these amazing people who I see as successful. I was like, what, you’re right? Like I’m just holding back here. Like what can I do to step up this launch at this time? I was now a one man show.
I didn’t have any outside support anymore. As when I first started business base camp, I had some people behind me helping me, but come February. I didn’t because it just didn’t align anymore. Not only had I lost three support staff, I was now solo and I was about to tackle the biggest month. I’ve probably ever done online, ever fail false February boy, did I go all out? And we’re talking, I went and organized, endless Facebook lives, Instagram lives posts. I was posting, I think three times a day on all of the social media platforms. I was having conversations through dams. I was like doing all the things. One of the ideas that came through after talking to one of the speakers, it was like, well, why don’t you do a master class? I was just like, Oh my God, of course, why not? Let’s do a free master class and try and get, more people through or into the, that initial setup phase for me to keep going forward with the event.
From that master class, like it was a fantastic event. First of all, at least the messenger was on there. You’re like, I just did a mosque please. A messenger. How cool was that? We had 10 of the speakers and yeah, it was a fantastic, not, but it did not convert in the end because little did I know, two weeks later the whole world, it was going to get turned upside down. We all know what happened, right? So at the end of fail fast February, I pretty much knew in my heart that I was done. I was like, well, what else can I do? Something’s not sitting. Right. I feel like I’m now pushing. One of the things I’ve learned from being in business for such a long time, it’s like the more you push something, the more it resists you. All of a sudden I felt really alone and I felt that I wasn’t capable of doing this anymore.
It came from a place of inner knowing. Look, I, I think it was the 5th of March. We had a press release go out two days prior and not one person picked it up. The reason being was coronavirus had just pretty much hit Australian shores. Like the very first case or two that happened here in Australia and had a press release was not going to be looked at pretty much. The following week. I went down to Melbourne for an event and they canceled the grand Prix. I was like, Oh, I made the right decision because that was decision week. Like in my book phones, I had to just know that it was time to let go my dream of creating an online well, an online community, but also this embarrassing event that was going to change people’s lives. Yes it’s my vision. It’s just wasn’t time.
It wasn’t the right time for this vision. After running Wild Success Live where things just fell into place like systematically, like it was easy, but there’s also challenges in that because it was the first time I did run an event that size. I’d learnt from mistakes in that sense. Moving forward into this arena and starting to push out a side, dude, enough’s enough. Like sometimes you’d have to just bite the bullet and just wave the white flag and surrender from that week of surrendering, I pretty much turned into a big giant pile of sobbing mess, hiding under blankets on my couch. It was probably about three weeks worth. I kid you not. I bought a brave face on going to Melbourne for these awards. I knew in my heart that I made the right decision, but also at the same time, like the grieving process had only just begun.
From there, I then had to four weeks after that, just flawed, absolutely flawed. I had to look deep within myself as to like, why the hell it had happened and why, it wasn’t time. Of course, as any entrepreneur does, it’s like, well, what have we done? What’s next? And I had this crazy feeling at the end of February that I just really wanted to go back to writing this whole idea of putting this event together. It was just, it felt out of alignment. The timing just wasn’t right. I was just like, I want to write again, there’s something about writing that I really miss. I ended up after my three weeks jumping on a call with my mentor, Gail Larson, and we had this cool exercise where she finally gave me my medicine almost, reflected back to me what it is that is a common theme in my life.
I never realized it until that very moment, how I was people-pleasing and was always worried about putting other’s needs ahead of my own. The fact that I needed approval to like, act that did not resonate with me when she said it. After some deep investigation on my couch in a big pile of mess, I ended up writing an ebook. What can I say about the AA book? It was just the challenge was to write 30 ways in which I was people pleasing. Every day I was to write a piece about that. However were now officially in lockdown. I actually couldn’t go out and try and experience the ways that I was people pleasing in everyday time. I had to retrace my steps through my whole entire life and think of scenarios, 30 of them, in which ways that I was people pleasing. Let me tell you it was so healing as much as I hated it at the time, it was very healing because as I went through, I was just like, Oh my God, was I really doing, was I really people-pleasing looking out for others? Oh yeah.
I was, if I circled back to the event that I was just organizing, I had 18 speakers. I was trying to work out the timetable in late February. Cause I was like, okay, how’s this all gonna look? I actually hadn’t scheduled me into the program to put everyone else in, but me, I was running the thing. So I thought that was enough. And it’s really interesting people pleasing. Like we justify it to ourselves as to why we do it. I think for many years now I really have be more worried about what others have thought of me. That really like, how can I say this? Like, it’s almost suffocating. Like you’re squashing your soul. Like you’re continually losing small pieces of yourself in order to make sure that everyone else is okay. I remember, as a young, 20 year old, I was rebellious as all hell no one was ever going to tell me what to do, how to do things.
I started my first business at 23 people made fun of me. It was a long standing joke. Oh this business I’m like, yeah, awesome. Cause fast forward two years after that I started a second one. I’ve always had this drive and I’ve always had this passion to follow my heart. At the same time, there’s always been a piece of me. That’s made me feel second. What is people pleasing? I just thought I’d quickly touch on those speakers. I think a lot of people think that people pleasing is just one of those things that is simply just not saying no, it’s not. There’s like so many layers to people pleasing that most people don’t even realize. One of the first ways that you may notice that you’re a people pleaser is that you don’t like it when people don’t like you it’s like literally soul crushing to even think that why would someone not like you because right.
We’re always doing everything for everyone else. Yeah. It can be really hurtful. Another one is that you like to avoid conflict at all costs, no arguments, no hard sticky, icky situations. You will do anything. This is why most people pleasers are also very busy trying to keep everybody happy. They take on the responsibility in any situation to make sure that everyone’s either got their tickets filled up. The kids have got something to eat. Like they’re just busy people.
Another sign of being a people pleaser is that you may mirror the people around you. This one’s really subtle. Especially over the years. Like we start to what we actually like when actual effect, we’ve just taken on the likes of the people around us. Let’s talk about music for a second. In the nineties, I listened to a lot of grunge music. I was in high school.
It was my favorite ever as I went into, like I left home to the city and people’s music was really different listening to like R and B and hip hop. I was just like, what the hell is this it was new sounds to me anyways. Eventually, I started really liking hip-hop and yes, sometimes I’ll music like, Whoa, everything evolves, like all of our tastes evolve over time, but I pretty much dived all in and started listening to all the R and B all the hip hop I possibly could and learn the songs in order to be cool. Like everybody else, when you mirror the people around, you just notice what is actually true. Do you actually really love hip hop or did you just try and love hip hop to like make sure that the people around you didn’t notice that he didn’t actually love hip hop?
It’s like, I can admit that I don’t like reggae. I know. I’m sorry. Everyone who likes reggae. It’s just not for me. I know that now, look, I don’t mind a bit of Bob Marley every now and again, but I’ve heard so much through my backpacking days. It’s like the same soundtrack I swear was at every hostile and it just never resonated. Mirror, you want to let that go?
So another way that people pleasing occurs is that when you don’t share your feelings, when someone hurts you, this one’s a big one. The reason why most people pleasers don’t do that is because they didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. It’s not important that their feelings are hurt. It’s more important that the other person’s feelings aren’t hurt. ? Right Yeah. Really interesting. You may struggle with knowing who you are. People pleasers often are like the lost souls, they’re trying everything on.
Cause they don’t know who they are. And finally, some people pleases like acknowledgement. I was one of these, this is the one that I’m trying to break. And I think I’ve almost got it. It’s this, like I would do something to get approval from others. Think of like your childhood days and when you would get rewarded for doing something good. Yeah. It’s a big round. ? Right I seek that. Well I was seeking that. Now it’s like, well, what actually makes me happy? And what’s real for me. Like I don’t need anyone’s approval. When I was 23 to start my own business, I did it for me. Why did I do it for me? Because there are no art classes. I liked, I wanted to go to art class every week in where I lived and somewhere that was kind of cool. Those are some of the signs of people pleasing.
Can you fix people pleasing? Yes. And it’s all in the wholeness method. It’s about coming home to you. It’s all about letting go of people pleasing and putting yourself second. It’s about coming home to who you are. It’s taken me five months to really establish myself back in my home and I’m not talking like my house. I’m talking, going into my body and into my soul. It’s been a process and it’s been challenging. It’s been liberating. It’s been like a roller coaster. Honestly I’ve been in the deep burrows of grief and despair, but then I’ve also been, Holy hell. I didn’t even realize I was capable of doing X, Y, and Z. You know, like I amazing. I sincerely and fully accept who I am. I don’t need to apologize anymore at all. I’m going to fully own who I am. I’m done being told that I’m not able to share my feelings, that my stories are too big and bold.
That what I have to say, doesn’t matter. I’m done with all that I know what’s true now in my heart. And that’s all that matters. Over the next few weeks, I am going to be sharing with you all. There is to know about the wholeness method and coming home to you. What does it look like to even come home to yourself? Well, first of all, I’m feeling freaking amazing being in this place. I want everyone to experience what this feeling actually is for anyone who’s ever put themselves behind someone else, you are capable of so much being able to speak up and share, not sharing like necessarily, always your words, but sharing your medicine with the world. One of the beautiful things, like we all have our own unique gifts and we’ve all got our own unique combination of them. I am very organized. Yes but I’m also very loving and caring.
How can I use these gifts? And I love to write like there’s so many different little bits and pieces to add to my gifts, but it’s like how I choose to use them. Am I pushing them down and not letting them come through? writing’s a huge thing for me, not only as writing away for me to release my emotions and feelings, it’s a way that I like to express myself. Finding those is just a part of the key to unlocking who you are. Coming home to you, it’s a feeling of knowing and trusting who you are. You have full and complete acceptance of yourself. Now when I say this, I mean full acceptance in the sense of what you have done in the past, what you may have learnt, what you thought was true, but also how you respond to things. Now it’s really important to accept the way in which you live your life.
Why do you react with certain situations? Why is it you say, sorry to people when you don’t necessarily need to, Oh, sorry, know why is that? But except that’s something that you do and be able to move on from it. Let me tell you, when you come home to yourself, there is no more doubt. Who you are, what your purpose is, how to go after, how to use the skillset that you have to your best advantage. In business, you sure as hell know what to hire out. Let me tell you that. Over the few weeks, I’m going to be diving into more with you all. Today I really wanted you to come and sit with me and hear my journey, but also to know more about how I was a people pleaser. To be honest, I still feel like, there’s elements where I am still probably people pleasing, but there are no way on a grand scale like they were before and it’s taking time to do that.
Next week I am going to be sharing with you how to find your truth and your essence, the following week. I’m going to talk about how you can use your energy. We’re also going to be talking about how to set boundaries and protect your energy. Of course, how to get your mindset onboard for a life that is abundant. Has you creating wild success? So that’s all for me this week. Thank you for joining me back from my very first episode in 11 months. I hope that you’ll all join me for the coming weeks in the wholeness method.